In The Lilies
by Shadow of the Forgotten Ones
Summary: Severus Snape's life is already set down a dark path. He's a Death Eater, a villain to most in the grand scheme of life. But he's given a choice and in this life, things go just a bit differently. Will he be able to save the love of his life?


**AN: This is a present for a friend of mine. I hope I did this characters justice. Tell what you think?**

 **Edit: This is a one shot. There was a user error where I thought I clicked the complete box when I uploaded from my phone but didn't. There will NOT be more of this story. Sorry.**

* * *

Snape looks down at his arm, eyes tracing the black ink that stains his arm. He made his choice, to be part of the war. To side with Voldemort. Part of it was the rash desire to be loved, to be popular. With Lucius Malfoy at his side, no one dared- except for those damned Gryffindors- pick on him. And part of it was lingering resentment of his father. He regrets it now. Looking at the mark that basically allows his Lord to do and call him as he pleases. Across from him sits Albus Dumbledore- the one man Voldemort fears- the old man looks unconcerned by the fact he is alone with a supporter of his enemy.

"I know you, Severus. I know this isn't what you want."

"So what if it isn't?"

"Change sides."

Severus snorts and shakes his head.

"Oh yes. Let me get right on that," he mutters sarcastically. Dumbledore smiles and his blue eyes twinkle. Merlin, Snape hates that twinkle right now. The older man believes he has something that Severus wants.

"Pretend you are on their side and report directly to me."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because of Lily. You love her do you not? She's in danger."

Snape straightens up his back and stares at Dumbledore. Lily is in danger.

"She has Potter."

"Does she? Or does the world simply think she does? Think about it Severus."

* * *

They stare at each other. Neither daring to breathe. Then _she_ moves. The one he is doing this for. The one he is willing to bleed for. She is here. She is pulling him in for a hug. As a child, a teenager, he was obsessed with her. With her beauty, her skill, her life. Two parents who loved her for her. It's all he ever wanted. And she saw _him_ not what everyone else wanted him to be. He got to know her and loved her. He still loves her.

"Severus," she whispers into his chest her arms around him. He doesn't move fearing it's a trick or a dream that will shatter. Then she pulls back and his cheek is stinging like it hasn't since he left his childhood home.

"You complete bloody wanker! I was so worried about you! You don't write, you don't call and I know you know how to use a phone. Just because you're a bigoted bastard doesn't mean-"

Snape covers Lily's mouth with his hand. She glares at him and he can feel her licking it. His nose crinkles.

"You know that I couldn't contact you. How on earth did you even find me?"

She rolls her eyes and he hesitantly removes his hand from her mouth.

"I know Albus' weakness and got the location of your safe house. I can't believe that you decked Bellatrix! What were you thinking? She's like his favorite Death Eater!"

That night is spent reconnecting. And it's like he never alienated her from his life. She warms his heart like nothing else ever has. She doesn't speak of James and he doesn't ask. Nor does he ask why her hand strays to her belly and pets it in lazy circles. Two days after her visit he gets an owl. Voldemort isn't mad, the opposite actually. He likes someone with gumption if it's turned toward the right people. Thankfully the Dark Lord doesn't ask why he got so angry at Bellatrix- why he got so angry at the word mudblood- and merely asks that Snape come out of hiding. Dumbledore approves of this plan. But Dumbledore approves of many plans. It's the thought of Lily and the memory of her asleep beside him on the couch that motivates him into going.

He brings chaos and destruction where he goes on the orders of someone he knows now to be mad. He thought that maybe under Dumbledore he wouldn't have to but the old man tells him to do what Voldemort says. The screams echo in his ears at night and he dreams of Lily. Of raising a child with her without the shadow of Voldemort over there head. He imagines what life could have been and what might be. Through the grapevine, he hears that Lily has given birth and the Dark Lord plots. Snape tries to weasel his way into favor, into getting promises as good as oaths. Bellatrix watches him with an interested gleam in her eyes.

"You love someone he's going to kill. Don't you?" She asks one night. Voldemort has sent them away. He doesn't understand why.

"The question is, is it a mu-" she cuts herself off and a smile grows, "it's a muggle born. It's Lily ain't it? You're still mooning after her."

"So what if I am?" He asks her, his voice perfectly bland, "She has no place in the world He has planned."

"Ain't that the truth. But you love her."

"Are you here to test my allegiance to the Dark Lord?" He asks her turning to face her fully. His temper is rising the more she badgers him. She gives him a look of pity.

"Love is a terrible thing, Severus. It makes you do stupid things," she looks away from him and he sees the girl from school she used to be. Young and torn.

"Sometimes the love you hold isn't returned. That is the worst feeling in the world, you know. So tell me, Snape. Friend of my brother-in-law and subject to the holder of my heart, do you love her?"

Snape snorts and turns away looking out the window. He thinks of Lily, of James, of what Dumbledore said.

"You do. And she went and had the child of someone else."

They settle into silence. Neither speaking a word.

* * *

"He's going to make his move soon."

Snape jumps slightly looking up from the scroll in his hands.

"What?"

"Our master. He's found a rat that will lead the way to your flowers doom."

"Why… Why are you telling me this?"

He watches as Bellatrix paces. Out of all the people who could have delivered this message, he never imagined it would be her. She's fanatic in her protection of Voldemort, in following his orders. She loves him, it's clear as day on her face. And yet this is the second time she has brought up his feelings for Lily and not gone directly to Him with her findings. He's personally surprised that her husband hasn't either been killed by her or that she hasn't been killed by her husband. Rodolphus Lestrange has never been one to share, not even his food. While Bellatrix normally looks frazzled with wild eyes and even wilder hair today. Today she looks like the Dark Lord is on his deathbed.

"Purebloods are superior to all, that's what my mother says. It's what my father says. It's what _he_ says. And yet it is us purebloods who disown our own for loving someone. Who will deny love because of the pettiest things," she rants, her hands are running through her hair at such a pace that Snape fears she will go bald. He doesn't know where she going with this but he lets her talk.

"I have a sister who married for love you know? We disowned her, me and Sissy we married because of family. Oh, Sissy loves Lucius now, but before? They barely tolerated each other. Sissy doesn't really approve of what her husband is doing. 'Could easily backlash on us if we lose' she says. She's always been the best out of all of us for thinking long term. A silent supporter you know?"

"I suppose."

"What's the point of being the best if you can't have love? My sister is going to die because of it. I am in a loveless marriage because of it. And the one person I do love refuses to love me back!"

Snape tilts his head wondering if she has had enough of being Voldemort's bed warmer. He's never believed that you had to have emotions for another person to have sex- they help of course- but you can only have sex with the same person for so long before some kind of emotion pops up. Bellatrix was already in love with her Lord before the sex, Snape can't- doesn't- want to think about how she must feel. She stops pacing and comes to stand before him.

"I love my family Severus. More than anything. It killed me to cut Andromeda out of my life. Especially since her only sin was loving someone with dirty blood. Sirius, the little wanker, is annoying and a prat as you well know but he's decent to those he loves and he loves greatly. Both are going to die if our Lord gets our way. Your flower's child will die because he is the one with the power to stop him and what will she do?"

"She'll try to stop him," Snape breathes out, heart constricting. Bellatrix laughs.

"Aye! She'll try to stop him and she'll end up dead too. And you'll be loveless Severus. It's not pleasant."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I love my family Severus and you're going to be the godparent of any child Sissy has. I'm a lost cause, Sevy. You don't have to be," she whispers before she flounces out of the room he is in like she was never there. It has to be a test. To see if he'll stay loyal. It has to be. He grinds his teeth, his feet ache to rush out of the room and flee to Dumbledore. To beg the man to take him to Lily so that he may save them. Unable to stay in the room he walks out. Bellatrix is there, a broom in one hand and a paper in another. Neither say a word, not about what is written on the paper, not about what will happen to either of them if he should fail and be caught.

"Don't try to fight him. Just fly away with her. I'll kill you myself if you get caught."

"I won't get caught."

He arrives just in time to see green light up the sky. His heart clenches and he races up the walkway. In the doorway, he sees James, lifeless. Bile rises as he jumps over his body. Up the stairs, he hears Lily shouting and then the feeling of magic charges the air. His steps slow down. He's failed. He's lost Lily. He clenches his teeth and shoves open the door. Bitter emotions swirl in his heart, desire for revenge and hatred war with each other, they raise his wand and let loose a stream of green at them back of the man who took Lily away from him, from her son. The man falls, no he disintegrates, turning to ash in the air. He watches it in sick fascination float to the ground. The baby- he doesn't know the child's name!- cries in the background but he sinks to his knees at Lily's side.

Shakily he reaches out, checks her pulse. He's not expecting to find one. And yet there under his fingertips. _Thumpthump thumpity thump thumpthump_ , it beats softly.

* * *

He watches her sleep, pale and sickly in her hospital bed. Harry- her child's name is Harry- is asleep against his shoulder drooling on it. Voldemort is dead and Severus isn't sure if it was his spell that did it or the spell that was bounced back at him when he tried to kill Harry that did it. Not that he cares. Lily and her child are alive. Lily is in a medically induced coma but she should live. All around the wizarding world celebrates. The Dark Lord is dead!

A throat clears.

"What do you want?"

"Come now Severus no need to be hostile."

"You want to take Harry away from her while she still breathes," Snape snarls not turning around. Dumbledore sighs.

"We must be realistic Severus."

"What you say isn't realism Albus. It's cynicism. You're giving up before she has a chance to prove her health one way or another."

"You know I really hate to agree with Grease Ball but ain't no fucking way you're taking Harry," a new voice speaks startling both Snape and Albus. Sirius Black stands in the doorway frowning at Dumbledore. Snape takes in the beaten and tired looking nightmare from his youth and holds back the cruel words he wants to say.

"Lily isn't dead and even if she was, _I'm_ his Godfather. He would go to me. I purposely didn't go get revenge for James because I didn't want Harry to be taken away from his mother."

The way Sirius says that makes Snape wonder what would have happened Lily had died. Would he have chased the renegade Peter himself? It's dark thoughts he doesn't want to think about, even if he would love to see Sirius pay for what was done to him in school. Right now they have a truce. Once Lily wakes that could change. Albus gives them scornful looks but leaves them be.

"I don't think we should leave Harry alone. I don't like the way Albus is looking. The man means well but he forgets that people are people and not chess pieces," Sirius says watching Dumbledore walk away.

"Agreed."

It's bad luck that has Lily waking up while Snape is fast asleep in the hospital cot next to hers. The healers of St. Mungos learned quickly that he did not like to be separated from Lily and though she was not conscious Lily did not react well when he left the room. Nor did she like it when Harry was removed from her room. It's a miracle that Lily survived so many doctors say, that the shield spell she threw up last minute saved her life. It's been a stressful two weeks- the truce between him and Black is put to the test when Snape argues for Narcissa to be allowed in- and while he never thought he'd love a child but he loves Harry. Which is how he ends up fast asleep curled around the small child. He wakes to whispered conversation.

"He isn't too bad once you get passed his lack of hygiene."

"Sirius!"

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry. But seriously, you should see him with Harry. Looks like he's holding the most precious thing on earth. Don't care too much for the company he keeps but…"

"He feels the same about you?"

"Yeah… I'm… I'm sorry Lils."

He falls back to sleep to the sound of Sirius crying. Later in the day, he wakes again. The sight that greets him will be a memory he holds dear for years to come. Lily is sitting up in bed, her red hair wild and unruly. Dark blotches are under her eyes but she's smiling down at little Harry who is nursing. She looks up at him and smiles shyly.

"I hear I have you to thank for saving me."

Snape smiles back.

"I had help. I'm sorry I wasn't quick enough to save James."

Her smile dims and Snape wants to take back his words. He walks over to her and touches her shoulder. She leans her head over and rests it on his hand.

"We weren't in love. Not in the way most thought. I'm going to miss him but at the same time…"

"You're glad that you're alive."

"Yeah."

They sit in silence and when Lily is done feeding Harry and has burped him she scoots over so that he may sit beside her. He wraps his arm around her, being her rock. She cries, loud and brokenly. Emotions catching up to her and leaving her twisted in torn. He's there for her.

He's there when they lower James into the ground. Sirius and Remus huddled together in their own grief. He's there for her when they go to Godric's Hollow to pack up her and Harry's life. Life isn't perfect, he still has to stand trial for being a Death Eater, and there will be a black mark on his résumé forever. But they are together and that's what counts to Snape. He invites them into his home, a small apartment that he's barely touched since he joined Voldemort and sleeps on the couch. Lily watches his sometimes, he notices one day as he's bouncing little Harry around. She watches him with a soft look in her eyes that makes him feel cleaner than he probably is.

"Come sleep with me," she says one night. James' lawyer had come and delivered what James has left to her. A small fortune and the deed to what is left of the home they lived in. He hesitates, unsure of why, of what it means, of what it will do.

"We don't have to do anything more than sleep. I… I need someone with me tonight. Please?"

And who is he to deny her that? He takes her hand as they walk to the bedroom. Looks away while she changes, watches as she puts Harry to bed. The domesticity of it all makes his heart flutter. They crawl into bed, Lily doing her best to melt into him. She wraps her arms around him, using his chest as a pillow and squeezing one leg between his. They lay together, listening to each other breathe.

"That night I found you after I heard through the grapevine that you hit Bellatrix… I almost kissed you. I was so happy that you were alive. But… I was afraid that I was too late. That we left things to fester and rot," she whispers, her words slurring as she drifts off to sleep.

"It's not too late," he whispers back kissing the top of her head.

"Good."

They kiss the next morning. A quick peck on the lips that was over before they could blink. It will be slow going. He's scarred from his life before- his parents, the school- and she's recovering from loss, but he thinks they will make it. The happy/sad looks she gifts him when Harry looks straight at him and calls daddy. It's not Harry's first word- that honor belongs to doggy- but it's the first word the boy has said since the attack. Holding Harry and looking at Lily, Severus feels something settle in his soul. Things may be rough but they will make it through.


End file.
